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Schrodinger’s Neighbor’s Dog

The dog in the yard next door was going ape again. Its shrill yelps could often be heard piercing the night sky, while the new owners were warm and safe and comfortable inside, drinking overpriced wine and discussing the variety

tumblr_inline_nbahhgllXb1qgdxx2

Schrodinger’s Neighbor’s Dog

The dog in the yard next door was going ape again. Its shrill yelps could often be heard piercing the night sky, while the new owners were warm and safe and comfortable inside, drinking overpriced wine and discussing the variety

Bouncing Like Crazy

When I got out of the shower Jill had almost finished packing her things, which was amazing considering the fact that I hadn’t noticed her get started. If only she wasn’t such an efficient and dynamic person I might’ve noticed

Bouncing Like Crazy

When I got out of the shower Jill had almost finished packing her things, which was amazing considering the fact that I hadn’t noticed her get started. If only she wasn’t such an efficient and dynamic person I might’ve noticed

Cat_eating_a_rabbit

Bad Boys

*(originally published in the collection, Telling Lies And Disappointing People) In high school I had a girlfriend who’s house was always empty. Katie’s mom was a social worker who pretty much lived at the office, and her dad was getting

Cat_eating_a_rabbit

Bad Boys

*(originally published in the collection, Telling Lies And Disappointing People) In high school I had a girlfriend who’s house was always empty. Katie’s mom was a social worker who pretty much lived at the office, and her dad was getting

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My Heart (may or may not go on)

*(originally published in the collection Telling Lies And Disappointing People) Yvette broke up with me soon after I sat her down and explained that I had a baboon’s heart and was incapable of experiencing strong emotion. She didn’t believe me,

baboon-wallpaper-2

My Heart (may or may not go on)

*(originally published in the collection Telling Lies And Disappointing People) Yvette broke up with me soon after I sat her down and explained that I had a baboon’s heart and was incapable of experiencing strong emotion. She didn’t believe me,

Keep your enemies close...

From The Wolves

*(originally published at Housefire Books) I thought we had an understanding, the raccoons and me. Not friendship necessarily, but a certain respect, born less from fear than mutual admiration. Hakuna Matata. But thanks to those treacherous creatures I recently learned

Keep your enemies close...

From The Wolves

*(originally published at Housefire Books) I thought we had an understanding, the raccoons and me. Not friendship necessarily, but a certain respect, born less from fear than mutual admiration. Hakuna Matata. But thanks to those treacherous creatures I recently learned

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Et Tu, Grandpa

We didn’t know what to think when Grandpa came home last night with a mohawk. Though it’s hardly a mohawk, considering Grandpa’s male-pattern baldness, he obviously believes that it is and behaves accordingly. Under Mom’s advice I pretended not to

6005167826_5c22cabe26

Et Tu, Grandpa

We didn’t know what to think when Grandpa came home last night with a mohawk. Though it’s hardly a mohawk, considering Grandpa’s male-pattern baldness, he obviously believes that it is and behaves accordingly. Under Mom’s advice I pretended not to

Don't call me a monster.

Don’t Call Me A Monster

Sometimes the smooth whisper of a jazz melody will drift through my open window as I sit at my desk smoking countless Robusta cigars. When the sound of the saxophone reaches my ears I’ll lean back in my human-skin throne

Don't call me a monster.

Don’t Call Me A Monster

Sometimes the smooth whisper of a jazz melody will drift through my open window as I sit at my desk smoking countless Robusta cigars. When the sound of the saxophone reaches my ears I’ll lean back in my human-skin throne